LedAngu 95-4-635

ANGUISHED ENGLISH

An Anthology of Accidental Assaults Upon Our Language

Richard Lederer

If you need a good laugh, read this book. Malapropism, typos and other bloopers from student papers, newspaper headlines, church bulletins, advertisements, sports programs, etc.

Here are a few:

Ads. "Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too!"

Signs: In a Michigan restaurant: The early bird gets the worm! Special shoppers' luncheon before 11 a.m.

At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.

Headline: POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS

ASBESTOS SUIT PRESSED

COMPLAINTS ABOUT NBA REFEREES GROWING UGLY

DEAF MUTE GETS NEW HEARING IN KILLING

They've decided to raise my benefits, and they're making it radioactive.

At the university, three classes of professor compromise the teaching staff.

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. --Josh Billings

Half the lies our opponents tell about us are not true.

Always be sincere, even when you don't mean it. --Irene Peter

We must believe in free will. We have no choice. --Isaac Bashevis Singer

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Monotheism is a gift from the gods.

I never liked you and I always will. --Sam Goldwyn

We're overpaying him, but he's worth it. --Sam Goldwyn

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive! --ibid.

Going to call him William? What kind of a name is that. Every Tom, Dick, and Harry is called William. --ibid.

Sometimes you can observe a lot by watching. --Yogi Berra