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SavPare 09-08-120 |
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Parents of Missionaries How to
thrive and stay connected when your children and grandchildren serve
cross-culturally Cheryl
Savageau and Diane Stortz Authentic
Publishing, 2008, 286 pp., ISBN 978-1-934068-39-7 |
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Cheryl Savageau is a professional clinical
counselor and Diane Stortz was a parent of a missionary for six years. Together they founded a support group for
parents of missionaries and the National Network of Parents of Missionaries (www.pomnet.org). The book combines a parent's personal
journey and a counselor's professional insight. The majority of the book provides counsel
for the losses parents face when their adult children move far away. The book is particularly useful for parents not
overly familiar with missions and missionary life. One section helps POMs understand the
issues and challenges their missionary faces in their calling, preparation,
and overseas living. Other sections
deal with maintaining good communications, being a long-distance grandparent,
helping your missionary while on furlough, visiting your missionary on the
field, and even helpful tips for traveling internationally. They encourage parents to appreciate, be inspired
by, learn about, pray for, actively participate in, and promote the ministry
God has given the missionary, but I would have liked to see more emphasis and
enthusiasm in this realm. "When God invites a son or daughter into
missions, He also invites the parents."
(7) For many, it isn't
easy. Most POMs experience both joy
and sorrow. Your invitation is to let
them go, give them your blessing, communicate your support, and to connect
with God and others for the support you need. POMs experience loss. They are often afraid to share their
feelings because they feel selfish and wrong.
However, "emotions do not reflect character." (26) Grief is a natural response to loss. It helps us confront and deal with life's
unwelcome realities. Social support
can be of great help. Relating to young adult children who are
separating from home and developing their own lives is stressful in
itself. Having them move far away
magnifies the stress. But the
parent/adult-child bond is often strong enough to help them work out their
difficulties over time. Parents often
struggle with a different life in the empty nest. "God has plans not only for the lives
of young missionaries but also for each stay-behind parent (Jeremiah
29:11)." (66) Parents are often faced with additional life
stresses at the same time: aging or dying parents, health issues, retirement,
moving, etc. Admit your struggles and
take proactive steps to address your feelings. "The longer we live, the more we lose." (85)
"One POM received a note from her
son-in-law, a missionary in a remote part of Zaire, that said, 'I hope you
are not too upset with me dragging your daughter and grandchildren halfway
around the world.' She wrote back, 'I
dont' think of it as you taking my daughter and grandchildren off to the
ends of the earth. I think of it as
God sending them there and then being loving enough to send a strong man like
you along with them.'" (90) "I told my two grandchildren about the G'ma
and Pappa Moon. Every time the full
moon is in the sky we think about each other and remember each other in
prayer, because the moon is not only looking down on them but the same moon
is looking down on G'ma and Pappa." (235, a POM) |
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